 |
| Me and Dad |
How many times have we faced the sometimes-difficult decision of
not telling something to our parent because they just will not understand? For
me, that is almost a constant. Not that, they don’t know where I live, or whom
I live with, but some details are better left out of the conversation. Life changing events like being gay, suddenly quitting a job, changing careers
or having an unusual relationship with a partner have to be softened to accommodate
the delicate sensitivities of our care givers. Why?
Because the
definition of “normal” changes with every generation. I have learned to interpret
rather that literally taking my parent’s words for what they are. I used to get
so upset with them questioning my life choices that I rebelled a bit in my
early twenties doing a lot of stuff they would surely disapprove.
However, as time
went by, rebelling seemed silly and pointless, I came to understand that parents always mean well, but they don’t always do well. Children do not come with a
manual, being someone’s parent is a personal road that society judges as a
whole, based on criteria that may or may not apply, despite that, the judging
never stops, especially for moms.
We as kids can be difficult at times. I used to take care of my
brother when we were kids and I got so sick of him once that I let him go when
he clearly stated -I want to go-, he was 10. He was found 4 hours later about a
mile away from the house. I myself just left my babysitter cousin hanging, and
walked 30 miles to my grandma’s house when I was five.
In light of this,
I have trained my ear to listen and translate.
For example, when
mom says -Why haven’t you given me a grandchild yet? - I hear, -It was such a delight
to have you my dear daughter that I desperately wish for you to have the same
joy I experienced- instead of being all defensive about her apparent judgement
on my lack of pregnancy.
Or when dad says
-You should be a lot more advanced in your career than you are now, when will
you finish that degree?- I hear -Darling, you are so smart that I can’t believe
they didn’t just hand over that degree at the very sight of you-. You see?
It is not about what they say; it is about what they mean when
they say it.
At times, we may become angry with our parent due to the stress
they put us under with all those questions that they answered at an earlier
stage in life than we are. This means that, all thought they might be aware times
are changing, they do not always keep in mind that so are we. We don’t need to
get married to move out of the house, we don’t need children right away (or at
all) to feel a sense of purpose in life, we can get a dog or cat and be
perfectly content. In addition, a carrier or a great group of friend can suffice.
However, in our parent’s world, change is not always a good thing.
 |
| Me and Mom |
Just the other day
my aunt asked me about my boyfriend to which I replied -He's fine- I could tell
right as the words left my mouth that she was expecting a wedding date. She
lectured me about the Bible and what God expects me to do about my sinful
union. I didn’t get mad, I knew that when she said -You guys have dated for
long enough, when am I to receive an invitation?- She actually meant to say,
-In my days courtship was short, you either liked the guy or you didn’t,
marriage was a given and we didn’t get a place of our own just to fuck like
bunnies. We did that after the ceremony-. Thank you tía.
All and all, I
really appreciate my parents and family, and all they have done and still do
for me. There is true and pure value in the experience they fiercely try to
drill into our heads as we grow up. I can still remember my grandmother holding
a machete saying it was meant for any boyfriends that came my way, now I own
that machete and hope to scare my future daughter’s boyfriend that very same
way.
Comentarios
Publicar un comentario